perhaps im mentally and emotionally exhausted now. even after sleeping for four hours, im still tired.
i believe i need more time to adapt to the changes that is happening around me. i hate changes.
i realised that im not that capable of what i always thought i am. i cant seems to really settle down and score for my tests and exams. what's holding me back? it occur to me that ever since i left secondary school... theres nothing that i had done which make me proud of myself. im no longer the achiever i used to be.
shobana was talking to me over the phone yesterday. she said that im overly pampered by the people around me that i like to show my attitude to others as and when i like. is it true i asked myself. delvin said the same things to be before too. my mum said that too.
am i overly pampered? did i attitude others as and when i like? am i such a selfish person?
often i find others not understanding me.. maybe its me not understanding others.
i often take problem as a reason to shut others up. truly i cant stand people asking me questions about why im moody when its so obvious something bad happened. i wanted time to cool myself down , i wanted to be alone. i know there are many who are concern of me.. but who am i going to convey to them that i am aware of it but just let me be alone?
prehaps in this entire universe, delvin understands me the most. he wont bombard me with questions. and i dont know how, but he always pick the right time to ask me questions. and i truly appreciate it.
as often as it seems, i thought my mum dont love me. but when i think back everytime, i realise that i throw trautrams the most at home. i scream at my slibings the most. i have selfish needs and wants the most. although she scold me almost everyday. and fuss about my doings.. but did she still let me have things done in my own way. keeping quiet in a corner.
there are many times i wanted to hug her and tell her i realy love her.. yet i realised that we are not as close as before due to various reasons. but i really really love her. a lot a lot
i had survived thru this ten days without my boyfriend. indeed it is horrible and i am mising him truckloads. but life still go on. hence, thats the reason why nowsdays -i dont laze around when my hp alarm rang -i make it on time for school without rushing -i hand up my assignments on time -trying hard to stay focus in class
i dont want to disappoint my bf nor my mum ever again. i got to make it to university i got to stop them worrying about me.. getting into trouble in school. i shall let actions do the job .
