know what? i love my mum. and i know my mum loves me too. but there is always a barrel between us time to time, arguing and quarrelling over stupid stuffs. and that barrel is my uncle. so what if he is loaded. so what he is over. so what if he loves my mum. and so what if he paid for my education food and shelter. so what? what gives him the right the stop my mum from talking to me. what gives him the right to control my family. what gives him the right to show me his attitude. so what? is money thay MIGHTLY? hell. i really love my mum a lot. a lot a lot. but.. there are always misunderstandings between us and many issues regarding my uncle and me. what had i done wrong? until today, i had not realise my fault. seriously i dont. and he is still not talking to me. i dont mind him not talking. in fact i dont give a damn. but when i think that my mum is the sandwich between us, i felt hurt, i felt like giving in. felt like forcing myself just to say sorry and let him scold and use the f word on me just as he please, just to make my mum feel better and be in better postion. what i done wrong in my past lives to depend on such people for a living? his is freaking 50 years old this year. trust me. when my mum turns 45, she will be a grandmother already. or rather, lets say 50. she will be a grandmother with many kids. enjoying every moment of her life. and thus, she would have been more mature . i just get what this 50 year old man is thinking. why is he so god damn childish and narrow minded? fuck. i dont know why, but this few days, im like questioning myself. what would happen if my mum dies? would i regret for quarreling with her for the past 8 years? would i regret for not studying hard enough for both my psle and o levels? would i regret for making her nag at me the best? will i ever regret being the most disppointed kid of 4? will i? i really want some quality time with my mum. i want my mum to be happy. I JUST WANT MY MUM MY SIS AND MY BRO THATS ALL. NOTHING MORE but.. why on earth am i having so little chance to even communicate woth her for the past 8 years. why is HE lawys demanding attention from my mum. why does my mum PAMPERS him so much? why is my mum so CARING towards him. WHY WHY WHY.
