fuck my life! argh. im so freaking... FREAK OUT with my life. so what if i study? so what if i worked hard? so what if i tried? MY FREAKING FAMILY JUST CANT AFFORD TO HAVE ME. thats what my mum says? she simply says that she cant afford me to go schooling. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG? so why in the first place should i study for my Os when i know that i cant go anywhere now. so what ?????? ARGH well, for my results, i can go MI. poly and ite. but the thing is that... MY MUM SAYS... SHE CANT EVEN AFFORD MY ALLOWANCE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER. what should i do i relaly want to study now .. MI. ya i dont mind working hard. but.. what my mother say yesterday had really HURT me badly. YES IT DID. why didnt my mum plan my future for me. as in.. savings for my further study. why i dont have someone who can afford to let me go for my DUMB EDUCATION. why why why ARGH! FUCK. i dont understand why i even make an effort to study. if only i had realise earlier on. arghhhhhhhhhh im so damn sad la. imgine ur mum telling u. "sign on. i cant afford to have u" it might be a small thing to everyone. but to me. im damn hurt la. maybe i am sensative. but.... ARGH
so what am i going to do now? i told her. i want to go MI. but she still insist on signing on. cant afford my allowance. how bad would it be? its not like i want to rely on her. its not like i want to use her money I DONT WANT TO!! i want to stand on my own feet, pay my own school fees. but now? i cant even do the things i want.
though she FINALLY say that its alright for me to go MI. but, she keep on saying that... she cant afford.
so wth should i do? army air force TOTALLY COOL RIGHT. just one word la. F U C K .
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mr viknes said something just now. which really really TOUCHED my heart deep down. he say: since ur mum cant afford. i pay your school fees and allowances for u . kinda sweet isnt it? im touched. lol. can u believe it, im nearly on the verge of tears. but ya. i controlled my tears. how nice can he be. and he MEANT IT.
we had this totally cool day out. ate at sushi tei. then... nydc for dessert. yups. then we gossip and chat throughout. and he sent me back to my void deck. smiles.
so what am i going to do ant my future? i dont know i seriously DONT. money is not everything but without money... one's can do NOTHING. money works wanders.
really wish that i had a better support though.
however... im going to resign to fate la. as in. who ask me born in such family. and.. to think that.. 2 yrs down the road. i would have finished my poly/mi course my sister would have finish her Os my brother would have finish his PSLE. so... 3 yrs down the road. my mum will be crazy finding money for my university. my sister JC/POLY/MI my bro secondary education.
im going to put.. MI SCIENCE as my first choice then. all these navy or airforce courses. if i get into MI. good enough. study hard. as in money wise... i think i will work to support myself. if i get into these wacky courses. i will just go sign on. yups. i think thats all i can do. if tthat please her. and its the only way wherby i can STAND ON MY OWN FEET.
family planning is important. only reproduce when u know u can afford. PS: KNOW. NOT THINK U CAN AFFORD.
